Why do we wait for Permission to live?
What if that Permission never arrives?
What will become of us then?
I can tell you it can lead to many links of despair, ultimately sucking you into the depths of loss, loss of self, loss of life. Like a chain of twisted disappointments restricting your every move, your every moment. I have been there and I nearly didn't survive.
Once you hit that low, you absolutely have to decide to rescue yourself, hopefully a lot sooner. I want to help people choose sooner.
When I say rescue yourself, I do not mean doing it all on your own. But you have to make the choice to seek help, and allow the help once found. Whatever help you find may not be a long term answer, please do not let this be your excuse to sink back into the depths. Use the opportunity for what it is, one step. One step further from the edge. Then seek the next step. Find the opportunities that will RESONATE with your Soul. Lighting you up, and sparking your light again.
They are out there, I promise you. But it is your choice to give yourself PERMISSION. Absolutely no one else's. My words are only meant to be a light in the darkness, so you can find yourself again. I am here as a Survivor. And to tell you the Lies you have been fed and controlled by, are just that, LIES. And they will leave you broken and confused.
Forget what ‘you are supposed to do’ or who ‘you are supposed to be’. Those are only other people's voices, voices of control and fear. The fear others have been fed themselves and continue to perpetuate. Because they too are waiting for PERMISSION to live.
I will not pretend to give you some INVISIBLE PERMISSION SLIP, because it Does Not Exist.
Here is the big secret, whatever sets your soul ablaze, whatever fills you with joy, whatever lights you up and makes you tingle. Those are your permission slips. Go with those. And fight until you find them.
Fight your way through the bad days, fight your way through the unsure. Sometimes fighting looks like shredding old baggage, old memories. Sometimes fighting simply looks like sitting in silence, allowing the tears to flow, letting go and just be. All of it is fighting, because you are choosing to take another breath, you are choosing to change. And change is a fight. I wont lie. But dammit it is fucking beautiful, in all of it's mess.
Because it is LIFE.
When I chose life, I chose the unpopular. The weird, the uncommon. The things that I was once told was evil, a sin, selfish, or frivolous. But they made my heart happy, they made me want more. Not because they were some evil temptation, but because they were JOY. And quite honestly if they made me not only WANT to live, but THRIVE, then Fuck anyone's opinions. Because another truth is, you are going to have to say fuck it to a lot of people’s opinions, and most likely piss a lot of people off when you give yourself permission to live.
And live AUTHENTICALLY to you.
I can tell you undoubtedly that if I didn't choose to give myself Permission to live five years ago, I wouldn't still be waiting for it. Because I wouldn't be here anymore. I was so consumed by anxiety and depression, most of which was by not living authentic to myself. I allowed other people POWER over me. And was constantly sad over the choices they made with that power. Abusing me, neglecting me, cheating on me, hitting me, raging against me, lying to me, and yes even a few times literally killing me. Only by the grace of Divine, breath returned to my body, only for me to spend many more years allowing more of the same control over me. Spinning me into the darkness. Until I nearly took my own life, which undoubtedly this time would have been the permanent end to this current vessel I am in.
Sit with that for a moment, you would not be reading this. My clients would not have received many Reiki Sessions with me, most of which opened them up to Self Healing. My kids would not have a Mother anymore. They would not have the opportunity to learn better through me, they would have been at great risk of repeating the cycle. I would not have had the opportunity to save the two lives I have saved on the side of the road. The person in a burning building. The person with an allergic reaction, minutes from death. Those people would be gone too. The ripple effect of this darkness is so incredibly scary. And unfortunately all too true for many people.
All because of CONTROL.
The need for some//many people to feel better about themselves, better about the big world, the great unknowns of life, by controlling the ones around them. Or out of the sake of appearances, the sake of organized religion, because that's what they were taught God’s love means. Or what ANY love means. Control is NOT love.
Please do not leave the responsibility of your life in anyone else’s hands, Ever. Even if they demand it.
Stop waiting for Permission to be YOURSELF, to be HAPPY. Stop waiting for Permission to find JOY, to find REAL LOVE.
Make a choice today, ONE choice that will start the unraveling of fear. One choice for YOU.
What do you want, really want? What does your Soul CRAVE? What small step can you make today, one step further from the Edge?
One step closer to LIVING AUTHENTICALLY, whatever that means for YOU
** I will be opening my schedule back up soon for Client Sessions via either Skype or Zoom, be sure to join the email list so you can get notified when I do